First and foremost, let me say Happy New Year to all of you, my Ali’s Fashion Sense family. I hope you all had an amazing holiday season and have had a great start to a prosperous, successful 2018! It has been a whirlwind of a start to my 2018 (in the best way possible). My family and I moved to a new state (California) and new city (Carson, which is south of Los Angeles) on the other side of the country (from Warner Robins, GA). We will discuss the move in a later blog post, but today we are shifting our focus to a very special individual in the Anderson household (which I'm sure you've figured out by now from the pictures).
Today is the day a young king was born. The day that I was forced to say hello and goodbye to my sleeping angel…DJ! Can you believe he would have been 2 today? These past 2 years our family has had to learn how to try to reassemble the shattered pieces into a life that honors the legacy of our lost angel. While Grayson, our rainbow baby, has brought about much joy and laughter into our hearts and home, he is not, nor will he ever be a “replacement or substitute” for DJ. Just because you are blessed to have a rainbow baby does not mean the hurt, sadness, and pain evaporate with the baby you lost. In all honesty, as a baby loss parent/mom your heart operates on two separate frequencies; one of pure heartache from the loss of your precious baby and one of pure harmony and joy for the fact that you are/were able to birth a new life.
So on this day, January 18th, I want to honor my little munchkin and let him know, life has not been the same since the day I was forced to leave him behind in the hospital while I was rolled out empty handed and broken hearted. I think of him daily and wish he was around (in person) to experience the love and joy that we as a family (immediate and extended) have reserved just for him. I hope he knows that his presence is truly missed and that he is irreplaceable no matter how many additional children fill our home. Most importantly, I hope he knows just how much of an impact he has had on his daddy and I; and how we hope that through our lives we are able to be advocates of parents of baby loss and ultimately make him proud.
*This photoshoot was a small token of love I've been planning since the end of last year, to show my baby boy DJ, just how much he means to our family. It was nice to honor him not only with my hubby but to have our rainbow baby Grayson take part to show respect to our little munchkin who is gone but certainly not forgotten. This is probably my favorite photoshoot I've done to - date because we were able to incorporate our tiny family of 3 + incorporate our angel all while being captured by my dad and mom (who was behind the scenes taking candid photos on my iPhone).*
GRAY FAUX FUR COAT//via H&M - old, similar here - BLACK DENIM//via GAP, similar here - BASEBALL T-SHIRTS (MEN'S, WOMEN'S, & TODDLER)// via Hobby Lobby - "WE LOVE YOU DJ" GRAPHICS//via CraftyQueen (@CraftyQueen88) - FRINGE BOOTIES//gifted, similar here - SUNNIES//via Charming Charlie's, similar here for cheap
So this one is for you DJ! We love and miss you dearly! You will always be mommy and daddy’s first born son. We hold you in our thoughts, dreams, and hearts even though we long to hold you in our arms. Rest easy baby boy on your 2nd birthday!
Hugs & Kisses DJ,
Love Mommy, Daddy, and Your Little Brother Grayson
If you have not heard DJ's story before I invite you to check out this podcast I did last February (2017) with my fellow baby loss advocate Jheanell from Angel Mom Alliance. It is a little lengthy but gives you a glimpse behind the dark side of pregnancy loss in a light - hearted way.
P.S.
To all parents: known (Mashira & Richard - Max, Alisha -Jamari, Elizabeth - Baby Ezra, Amanda & David - Baby Kendall Hope, Tiffany - Baby Eliot Jr. & Baby Elijah, Renee - Baby DJ, Jheanell - Baby Jolie) and unknown who have suffered loss in any capacity whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal death, infant loss or any other tragic situation this post is for you. I want you to know I am constantly praying that God will mend your broken hearts and that He will give you the peace to go on to make your angels proud! Here's to our sweet angels dwelling in the presence of God.
