As I mentioned in my previous post my son's due date is tomorrow. I'm sorry to keep rehashing the topic, but honestly this is my new normal and my blog is my creative outlet where I am able to clear my mind. While I am saddened that I will not be bringing my son home or that I won't ever get to experience his smile, look into his chestnut eyes, hear him cry, or simply see him grow there are some lessons that I have learned throughout this entire ordeal. Today I will offer "7 Things I've Learned with the Passing of DJ" (I chose 7 because his original due date was supposed to be April 7, 2016).
1.) Empathy - Prior to losing DJ I was quick to comment "RIP" on a social media post to someone who lost a loved one, or comment "I'm praying for you" in a heartbeat! While those sentiments were/are true, I now truly understand the pain of loss first hand, which allows for greater empathy towards others as they embark on this never ending journey called grief.
2.) Peace - I've heard many seasoned saints express the joys of having the peace of God more times than I can count (I'm a PK...Pastor's/Preachers Kid, I practically grew up in church from my mother's womb to present day). But through my ordeal with DJ I truly learned what having the peace of God truly feels like. While I still cry, wonder why, question my decisions I made leading up to the delivery of my sleeping angel, I've encountered God's peace first hand. And there is NO other feeling like it. Philippians 4: 6 - 7 states it best:
"Be anxious for nothing , but in everything by prayer and supplication (petition - NIV), with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4: 6 - 7
3.) Faith - Another lesson that I've had to learn during my journey of losing DJ is the lesson of faith. The scripture plainly states in 2 Corinthians 5:7:
"For we walk by faith, not by sight!" - 2 Corinthians 5:7
Faith requires us to trust in God for the things we cannot see. While my heart was devastated and shattered into millions of pieces when I lost my son, my faith in God allowed me to compartmentalize the thought that God has something AMAZING in store for my hubby and I. DJ was the tool to usher in this next level of greatness that we are about to embark on. I truly feel like God is up to something and I'm exercising faith in Him and His Word to guide me through my darkest hour!!
4.) Embrace Grief - One thing I've definitely learned through this process is the stages of grief are fluid. Some days I'm sitting on top of the world, others I'm a bucket of tears. Some days I'm content, others I'm angry...but the thing that I've learned most is do not fight your feeling of grief. You just have to let them happen. They are not good nor bad, they just are! And parallel to life you will have your ups and downs but at the end of the day but rejoice in the fact that you are still here!
5.) Be Open & Honest - I did not go through this ordeal wanting to be a spokesperson for peace, faith, grief, or a survivor of stillbirth...but here I am sharing. The funny thing is my sharing was just one of my coping mechanisms to help me sort through this tragedy, but in doing so my openness and honesty about how I've been feeling (the good, bad, and the ugly) have been a testament to others who have experienced similar heartbreak or those who can simply empathize with the hardships of life. It truly has showed me that being transparent allows for a deeper human connection versus the appearance of having everything together.
6.) Cherish Each Moment - While I would give everything to have my son back, I can look back on the moments we shared together (while he was growing in my womb) to the first time I held him in my arms and I can cherish those quiet moments forever. No one can take the 7 months we had together away. Its a life reminder to live in the moment, and cherish each moment we're given because nothing in life is guaranteed.
7.) Find The Silver Lining - Life will offer you some hardships. If you haven't experienced them yet...just keep living, they will occur. The most valuable thing I've learned through this circumstance is that in all things there is a silver lining. It is up to us to find the sliver of hope...I call it optimism!
Outfit Details: Blazer (Forever 21), Black Jeans (Gap), Wedge Heels (Forever 21), Sunnies (Forever 21), Statement Necklace (DSW)
Through all of this I've learned I just have to draw closer to my husband, family and friends for support, and rely on Jesus, the ultimate comforter to get us through this TOUGH time!!!
I never ask you my readers for much but I will ask a favor of you tomorrow (April 7, 2016). Tomorrow I ask that you do one kind deed for someone else and use the hashtag #DoGood4DJ whether its offering a smile to a stranger, paying for the person's meal behind you in the drive through, or providing a homeless person with a survival kit. No matter how big or small the deed let's just do something nice for someone. This is my way of honoring my son's legacy to make the world a better place :) Are you willing to do that for me?
"Its Nice to Be Nice! - Ali Andy"
Happy Hump Day Luvs,
-Ali
