Happy 2nd Birthday DJ

First and foremost, let me say Happy New Year to all of you, my Ali’s Fashion Sense family. I hope you all had an amazing holiday season and have had a great start to a prosperous, successful 2018! It has been a whirlwind of a start to my 2018 (in the best way possible). My family and I moved to a new state (California) and new city (Carson, which is south of Los Angeles) on the other side of the country (from Warner Robins, GA).  We will discuss the move in a later blog post, but today we are shifting our focus to a very special individual in the Anderson household (which I'm sure you've figured out by now from the pictures). 

Today is the day a young king was born. The day that I was forced to say hello and goodbye to my sleeping angel…DJ! Can you believe he would have been 2 today? These past 2 years our family has had to learn how to try to reassemble the shattered pieces into a life that honors the legacy of our lost angel. While Grayson, our rainbow baby, has brought about much joy and laughter into our hearts and home, he is not, nor will he ever be a “replacement or substitute” for DJ. Just because you are blessed to have a rainbow baby does not mean the hurt, sadness, and pain evaporate with the baby you lost. In all honesty, as a baby loss parent/mom your heart operates on two separate frequencies; one of pure heartache from the loss of your precious baby and one of pure harmony and joy for the fact that you are/were able to birth a new life.

So on this day, January 18th, I want to honor my little munchkin and let him know, life has not been the same since the day I was forced to leave him behind in the hospital while I was rolled out empty handed and broken hearted. I think of him daily and wish he was around (in person) to experience the love and joy that we as a family (immediate and extended) have reserved just for him. I hope he knows that his presence is truly missed and that he is irreplaceable no matter how many additional children fill our home. Most importantly, I hope he knows just how much of an impact he has had on his daddy and I; and how we hope that through our lives we are able to be advocates of parents of baby loss and ultimately make him proud. 

*This photoshoot was a small token of love I've been planning since the end of last year, to show my baby boy DJ, just how much he means to our family. It was nice to honor him not only with my hubby but to have our rainbow baby Grayson take part to show respect to our little munchkin who is gone but certainly not forgotten. This is probably my favorite photoshoot I've done to - date because we were able to incorporate our tiny family of 3 + incorporate our angel all while being captured by my dad and mom (who was behind the scenes taking candid photos on my iPhone).*

GRAY FAUX FUR COAT//via H&M - old, similar here - BLACK DENIM//via GAP, similar here - BASEBALL T-SHIRTS (MEN'S, WOMEN'S, & TODDLER)// via Hobby Lobby -  "WE LOVE YOU DJ" GRAPHICS//via CraftyQueen (@CraftyQueen88) - FRINGE BOOTIES//gifted, similar here - SUNNIES//via Charming Charlie's, similar here for cheap

So this one is for you DJ! We love and miss you dearly! You will always be mommy and daddy’s first born son. We hold you in our thoughts, dreams, and hearts even though we long to hold you in our arms. Rest easy baby boy on your 2nd birthday! 

Hugs & Kisses DJ,
Love Mommy, Daddy, and Your Little Brother Grayson

If you have not heard DJ's story before I invite you to check out this podcast I did last February (2017) with my fellow baby loss advocate Jheanell from Angel Mom Alliance. It is a little lengthy but gives you a glimpse behind the dark side of pregnancy loss in a light - hearted way. 

P.S. 

To all parents: known (Mashira & Richard - Max, Alisha -Jamari, Elizabeth - Baby Ezra, Amanda & David - Baby Kendall Hope, Tiffany - Baby Eliot Jr. & Baby Elijah, Renee - Baby DJ, Jheanell - Baby Jolie) and unknown who have suffered loss in any capacity whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal death, infant loss or any other tragic situation this post is for you. I want you to know I am constantly praying that God will mend your broken hearts and that He will give you the peace to go on to make your angels proud! Here's to our sweet angels dwelling in the presence of God.

Dear Gray

Grayson you just turned 8 months as of Saturday, November 4, 2017! Not only did October fly by, but so did these past eight months. Where did the time go? It seems I ask myself this question every time I do a monthly reflection on your evolving life! 

Ever so often I go back and look at your newborn photos and I'm amazed at how you've changed so drastically physically, mentally, and through your ever changing personality. Your face has grown fuller, your melanin has gradually grown darker and richer, your body has grown longer and your personality has ballooned into an awesome little human being. 

Over the past month you've experienced some firsts:

• Your first FAMU (Florida A&M University) Homecoming (the first of many I'm sure) as a Baby Rattler. 
• Your First Halloween
• Your first trip to Tallahassee, FL

FAMU Homecoming

I love to introduce you to new places and new experiences (something I want to continuously do as you steadily grow). As mentioned above you had your first trip to Tallahassee, FL where mommy spent 5 years of her life as a Rattler at Florida A&M University on the highest of 7 hills. I loved taking you around campus, having you meet mommy's LC friends/sisters (your TT's), and introducing you to your Tallahassee extended family (Horace and Brenda - they absolutely adored you). It was an incredible trip. I hope we can go often so you grow up in the HBCU culture (there is absolutely nothing else like it on Earth)!

Story Time At the Library
Every Wednesday, we go to the library for story time. I think you really enjoy it because no matter how sleepy you are, as soon as we get into our group session and the librarians begin to sing, dance, and read stories you are VERY alert and attentive. You love to observe, dance, play with maracas, sing, interact with other babies, and see the bubbles. It's an awesome outing for you and mommy to bond and also meet different people/babies from all walks of life. Never abandon your curiosity and love for learning, reading, and developing! 

Halloween
This was your first Halloween. Daddy and I decided we wouldn't take you trick or treating because you are so young and you can't eat the candy anyways (plus we didn't need all that candy in our house...it's just junk for our bodies anyway). Mommy did dress you up as a Ninja Turtle (Leonardo - the blue ninja turtle) for the Halloween "Character - Themed Story Time" at the library (which actually occurred one week before Halloween). I also dressed you in a cute Halloween themed outfit for October 31 (in your "Trick or Treat" onesie). I can't wait to think of your costume for next year. I think I have it already in my head...but things could change.

Visitors
This month your God-mommy Jasmine came to visit you! She is a flight attendant (a person who assists the pilots and passengers on their flights to destinations all over the world) so she works quite a bit, flying the friendly skies. But, as soon as she got a tiny break in her schedule she wanted to come and visit you...so she did. She truly enjoyed your company and I believe you enjoyed hers too! 

You also visited with Grandma, Aunt Sherri, Cousin Horace and Brenda, two of your LC TT's Kita and Shari (aka roommate - whom I think you had a little crush on...you were giving her the ga-ga eyes) while we were out in Tallahassee, FL.

Noises
You currently have a new sound that you make, and it's pretty cute. You currently make this sound reminiscent of a tiny monster. It sounds something like R-A-W-R! You do it quite often these days. I think you learned it just in time for Halloween so you could scare off other babies lol. It's the cutest thing ever. It reminds me of  the scene in Lion King where Simba first tried to roar (Sidebar: remind me to show you the Lion King when you get old enough...it's a Disney classic and one of mommy's favorite childhood movies)! 

Teething Progress
You still don't have any teeth as of this post, but you LOVE to chomp on just about anything. You name it and you've probably had it to your mouth at any given time. Your latest things to chew on are: remote controls, my iPhone, your foot, your fingers, teething rings, your shoes, and your favorite your pacifiers. I can't wait to see your first pearly whites break through...we're waiting patiently for their arrival. 

Developmental Skills
At the moment you can sit up really well by yourself. You love to roll over when I place you on your tummy for tummy time. You have ZERO interest in beginning to crawl at the moment but I will keep encouraging you to try and allowing you time to practice. Sidenote: No matter how many times in life you fail, NEVER give up. Always try again. In the words of the late singer Aaliyah, "If at first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and try again!" These are great words to live by. You can say "da-da" more clearly now, and the cutest thing of all is when you wave "hi!" You melt people's hearts...especially mommy's when you show off your little wave. You are also expanding your personality everyday. I'm so glad I get to have a front row seat seeing you grow into your BEST self! 

Favorite Books
Anything right now by the author Lucy Cousins 

Snapchat & Other Technology
You love to play with mommy in different Snapchat filters. Currently the rabbit with the backwards baseball cap and bunny ears is my favorite filter for you and me!!! You also love phones (probably since we Facetime grandma daily), computers, and watching Sesame Street *cues Elmo's got the moves and the Elmo slide,*

All in all things are going well for you as you embark on month 8! I'm so proud of where you've come just in these short eight months and I can't wait to see you progress even more in the month ahead. Buckle up your seat belt for a crazy ride this November as we embark upon your first Thanksgiving and a slew of  other firsts. Your first time to meet Grandma Edna (daddy's grandma, your great grandmother). Your first Bayou Classic (which is Southern University - daddy's Alma mater vs. Grambling State University - Uncle Derryn's Alma mater). As well as your first visit (at our home) from your cousin Abel (this weekend)! It should be a grand time :)

via GIPHY

Love you with all my heart! We'll see you at 9 - Months!
-Mommy (and Daddy)

Twinning with Mommy

When I discovered Grayson's gender the fantasy of having my little mini me, a baby girl, flew out the window.  At that very moment I honestly thought I was striped of the potential to dress alike, teach my daughter about fashion, and play dress up. While I really wasn't caught up on the gender of the baby (I really just wanted a HEALTHY, LIVING, BREATHING child) I would be lying if I didn't say the possibility of having a girl made my heart smile at the very beginning stages of my pregnancy. 

When Grayson arrived all my thoughts for a girl melted away the moment I saw his face! Grayson was perfect! I traded in bows and tulle skirts for dinosaurs, trains, and harem pants (Side note: Somebody PLEASE put some valid effort into improving little boy's clothing options, our few little racks with limited inventory is pretty drab in comparison to the vast little girls section - I'd be willing to offer my suggestions for a fee...but I digress). 

So lets rewind to last week. Grayson and I go to the library every Wednesday for story time. Tip: If you are a parent searching for something to do with your baby or child, hit up your local library. Besides the array of books you can read with your child you can also find some amazing story times for babies and toddlers, and even free or cost effective activities and events. I wanted to put Grayson in a long sleeve outfit because morning temperatures have been a bit cooler (faux - fall...by 12PM it is burning up, which makes it very hard to figure out what to wear). I purchased this denim button up and army fatigue cargo pant set from the Carter's outlet back when I visited St. Augustine, FL about a month ago. I love the outfit because it pairs denim (with a tiny pop of color - orange) and army fatigue - which could be used as a neutral. *Please pardon my sons drool spots, he's teething. Parents know trying to keep your children clean is almost next to impossible!*

CARTER'S SET// via Carter's (similar) - MOCCASINS// via Amazon.com (similar) - WOODGRAIN SUNGLASSES// via Carter's (similar)

Once Grayson was dressed it was my turn to get ready. I drew inspiration from his outfit. I knew I had denim and army fatigue  in my closet, so I grabbed my Canadian tuxedo (denim from head to toe) then paired my army fatigue jacket on top to pull the look together. For my accessories I used my orange necklace as a pop of color (to match Grayson) and added a broach to ramp up the dramatics. I finished off the look with my tan fedora, lace - up booties I snagged from Charlotte Russe, and my green - tinted sunnies I scored from H&M. 

DENIM BUTTON UP// via Charlotte Russe (similar) - DENIM FLARES// via New York & Co. (similar) - ARMY FATIGUE JACKET// via Charlotte Russe (similar) - BROACH// via Hobby Lobby (similar) - NECKLACE// via Forever 21 (old) - BOOTIES// via Charlotte Russe (similar) - AVIATORS// via H&M (similar)

The outfit turned out great and I finally got my wish, I was about to twin with my little munchkin. I must admit, we look good as a unit! Don't you think so? As a mommy of a little boy, you are not totally striped of your ability to twin with your mini - me if you so choose. It just takes a bit more creativity and planning. 

Happy Monday Luvs, lets go out and conquer the day!!! I'll see you back here bright and early Wednesday morning! 

-Ali

Dear Gray

Dear Gray,

You are officially 3 months old as of yesterday (June 4th). It seems like just yesterday I was strapping you in your car seat, riding in the backseat with you as daddy and I nervously drove away from the hospital to bring you home. As each month progresses my love for you deepens and the feeling of awe knowing I was blessed to be chosen as one of your parents takes my breath away.

One thing you do currently that warms my heart is you stare at the picture of your big brother DJ on the mantel in mommy and daddy's room. I can't wait until you're a bit older when I can truly explain who DJ is and the impact he has on own of our lives as a family suffering from pregnancy loss and then being blessed to overcome and joyfully celebrate your arrival as our rainbow baby.

Last month you helped me celebrate my 1st of many Mother's Day. I'm forever indebted to you (and DJ) for making me a mommy to an angel and to you here on earth! You both will forever be in my heart, no matter how old you grow to be!

Here are some things that you currently do and enjoy:

Favorite things to do at the moment: You are a lot more vocal and love to make "cooing" sounds. You look around and take in your surroundings more intentionally, and of course you still love to sleep (naps are king around here but you do sleep a little less than you did when you were a teeny weeny little tyke). You are becoming better at holding your head up, sitting up, and practicing tummy - time (even though you're not so fond of it at the moment."

Things that make you smile: When I make silly faces at you, when I chump on your chin or cheeks, and when you Facetime grandma and granddad. 

What you like to eat: You currently are drinking about 3.5 - 4 ounces of liquid gold (breast milk) each sitting. I think you are almost ready to graduate to 4.5 - 5 ounces if your growing belly can stomach it!

Meeting someone new: Last month you were able to meet your cousins for the first time. They were truly inquisitive about you and love you very much. You even had your first play - date with cousin Abel.

Favorite book: Right now we're totally into Dr. Seuss books from "Hop on Pop" to "One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish." 

Favorite outfit (According to Mommy this month): You finally moved out of newborn clothing and transitioned into 0-3 Months and 3 Month clothing. You have a closet and drawer FULL of clothes, so much so that you don't even have to wear the same outfit twice for an entire month. But for now Mommy's favorite outfit for you last month is the Batman  onesie with the detachable cape. You looked like you could conquer the world  in that outfit (which by the way, you can...don't let anyone tell you any different).

via GIPHY

Fun fact: We FINALLY got you comfortable sleeping on your back in your bassinet next to mommy and daddy's bedside. You even almost sleep through the entire night (typically from 10:30pm - 4am). You like to fall asleep to the white noise sound of rain on leaves! It's very soothing to you and to me.

All in all Gray, it's been an eventful 3 months with you and I wouldn't trade any second of it. I can't wait to see what awesome things you learn this month as we continue to watch how you develop and grow.

Happy 3 month birthday Grayson!

Love,
Mommy (and Daddy)